Mindfulness in everyday

sometimes the moments in life appear like we are looking through a tinted window. we often neglect to see the related patterns in our life, the seemingly small and inconsequential moments that are interlinked and that send us a constant message about our future and the path we are on.
small events like repetition of a number throughout the day or a song being heard more than once (well, on the radio that is a regular occurence if you listen to the same station long enough), speak to something we should be more aware of.
in my previous life i worked in the filed of advertising and graphic arts. a rewarding career for some time in my life, but disillusionment, a need to change my life and not seeing it caused pain and sorrow in my life.
a small voice spoke, actually it was a recommendation that a residential treatment program for adolescents were looking for employees. i could have ignored the small voice, but the catalyst for change had me by the throat.
walking into the building brought the change that lasted for twenty years... it brought me through college and grad school, a new and sometimes frightening insight into human behaviors... mine included... looking back it has been a strange and fantastic trip, and still amazing me each day.

keep your eyes open, there is more to witness and experience than you have ever imagined.

Hiding my Heart

I am sitting here listening to my stereo system, these speakers makes Adele sound like she is really in the room singing in front of me!
The song Hiding My Heart comes on and I begin to think.
There are those moments in life when someone comes quietly knocking on our hearts,
ever so gently the presence of them moves the earth beneath our feet.
But what happens when that gentle, earth moving knocking comes when we dare not respond?
Being in a relationship, married or otherwise holds a deep and very heavy moral dilemma...

The earth moves each time we are in that person's presence, much, much more intensely if there is physical contact, such as a hug. I feel heavy just writing this.
A friendship appears to develop, we see each other daily at a store, a coffee shop, or as chance sometimes plays its game, meeting when least expecting it...
The words are always friendly, safe and friendly.
But what lies behind our eyes is anything but safe. too much of this "safety" and a distance ends up being created. we stop going to that store or find another coffee shop or prays both seeing the person and equally not.

Hiding My Heart, there is danger in holding it in, there is danger in releasing it.
thoughts of what could be, changes to what may have been when looked at in the light of day. Relationships are anything but simple, but again, it is too evasively simple.
It comes down to one second, to a decision in that moment.
The moment that will change everything forever.

The knocking on our hearts remains a quiet stirring within that cannot be answered.
More hearts would be broken than what our hearts can withstand...
In the end the knocking on our hearts just show us that we are still indeed alive and capable of love and in the final decision we find that passion does indeed live, hopefully making us take a much needed look at the relationships we are in and find that it had started back then with a gentle knocking at our hearts

Subtle intentions

in a recent meeting with a couple I found my initial observations to be curiously about their choice of seating. he chose to sit next to me as she chose to sit on a love seat as we talked about his issue and its impact on his life. There were moments during the conversations that opened my eyes a bit to the dynamics of their relationship. often it is not what we say but how we say it. sometimes it is not how we say it but how our bodies say it. posture, facial expressions and even something as subtle as where we look gives me subtle interpretations into what is really meant behind the conversation.
As the man spoke he made many comments about what he has done to try to help himself with this problem he is battling, I looked over at his fiance and saw the quiet words she was speaking with her eyes and body. A small shift in her posture, a look out the window or down at the floor began to speak about her feelings for him at different points of the conversation.
What I find in most relationships that are experiencing trouble is that each person in the relationship are focusing on their internal struggle with the problems and have difficulty seeing the other person and the difficulties between them. to bring them to a new insight requires more than just conversation about their feelings and thoughts. before that can occur a simple exercise could be effective in creating a more powerful environment for that conversation.
the man and the woman are asked to walk into the bathroom, or their bedroom and look in the mirror at each other. the image of them together creates just that, them together. at this point the conversation takes on a more intense focus. the conversation becomes more intimate.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone reading!

Don

Beginning a business

It has been three months since I began setting up my counseling practice. I have a lot done, NPI, Tax ID, malpractice insurance, even got onto Aetna's boards. I need now to find an office to either rent of share, or find a group practice that is looking for a member, I am working with SCORE on setting up my LLC also...
It is a fine beginning, taking a bit longer than I want...

Mindful Interventions soon!

Aikido in Action

A STORY OF INTERVENTION

By Terry Dobson

THE TRAIN CLANKED and rattled through the suburbs of Tokyo on a drowsy spring afternoon. Our car was comparatively empty - a few housewives with their kids, some old folks going shopping. I gazed absently at the drab houses and dusty hedgerows.
At one station the doors opened, and suddenly the afternoon quiet was shattered by a man bellowing violent, incomprehensible curses. The man staggered into our car. He wore laborer's clothing, and he was big, drunk, and dirty. Screaming, he swung at a woman holding a baby. The blow sent her spinning into the laps of an elderly couple. It was a miracle that the baby was unharmed.
Terrified, the couple jumped up and scrambled toward the other end of the car. The laborer aimed a kick at the retreating back of the old woman but missed as she scuttled to safety. This so enraged the drunk that he grabbed the metal pole in the center of the car and tried to wrench it out of its stanchion. I could see that one of his hands was cut and bleeding. The train lurched ahead, the passengers frozen with fear. I stood up.
I was young then, some twenty years ago, and in pretty good shape. I'd been putting in a solid eight hours of aikido training nearly every day for the past three years. I liked to throw and grapple. I thought I was tough. Trouble was, my martial skill was untested in actual combat. As students of aikido, we were not allowed to fight.
"Aikido," my teacher had said again and again, "is the art of reconciliation. Whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with the universe. If you try to dominate people, you are already defeated. We study how to resolve conflict, not how to start it."
I listened to his words, I tried hard. I even went so far as to cross the street to avoid the chimpira, the pinball punks who lounged around the train stations. My forbearance exalted me. I felt both tough and holy. In my heart, however, I wanted an absolutely legitimate opportunity whereby I might save the innocent by destroying the guilty.
This is it! I said to myself as I got to my feet. People are in danger. If I don't do something fast, somebody will probably get hurt.
Seeing me stand up, the drunk recognized a chance to focus his rage. "Aha!" he roared. "A foreigner! You need a lesson in Japanese manners!"
I held on lightly to the commuter strap overhead and gave him a slow look of disgust and dismissal. I planned to take this turkey apart, but he had to make the first move. I wanted him mad, so l pursed my lips and blew him an insolent kiss. "All right!" he hollered. "You're gonna get a lesson." He gathered himself for a rush at me.
A split second before he could move, someone shouted "Hey!" It was earsplitting. I remember the strangely joyous, lilting quality of it - as though you and a friend had been searching diligently for something and he had suddenly stumbled upon it. "Hey!"
I wheeled to my left; the drunk spun to his right. We both stared down at a little old Japanese. He must have been well into his seventies, this tiny gentleman, sitting there immaculate in his kimono. He took no notice of me but beamed delightedly at the laborer, as though he had a most important, most welcome secret to share.
"C'mere," the old man said in an easy vernacular, beckoning to the drunk. "C'mere and talk with me." He waved his hand lightly.
The big man followed, as if on a string. He planted his feet belligerently in front of the old gentleman and roared above the clacking wheels, "Why the hell should I talk to you?" The drunk now had his back to me. If his elbow moved so much as a millimeter, I'd drop him in his socks.
The old man continued to beam at the laborer. "What'cha been drinkin'?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with interest. "I been drinkin' sake," the laborer bellowed back, "and it's none of your business!" Flecks of spittle spattered the old man.
"Oh, that's wonderful," the old man said, "absolutely wonderful! You see, I love sake too. Every night, me and my wife (she's 76, you know), we warm up a little bottle of sake and take it out into the garden, and we sit on an old wooden bench. We watch the sun go down, and we look to see how our persimmon tree is doing. My great-grandfather planted that tree, and we worry about whether it will recover from those ice storms we had last winter. Our tree has done better than I expected though, especially when you consider the poor quality of the soil. It is gratifying to watch when we take our sake and go out to enjoy the evening - even when it rains!" He looked up at the laborer, eyes twinkling.
As he struggled to follow the old man's conversation the drunk's face began to soften. His fists slowly unclenched. "Yeah," he said, "I love persimmons too..." His voice trailed off.
"Yes," said the old man, smiling. "And I'm sure you have a wonderful wife."
"No," replied the laborer. "My wife died." Very gently, swaying with the motion of the train, the big man began to sob. "I don't got no wife, I don't got no home, I don't got no job. I'm so ashamed of myself." Tears rolled down his cheeks; a spasm of despair rippled through his body.
Now it was my turn. Standing there in my well- scrubbed youthful innocence, my "make this world safe for democracy" righteousness, I suddenly felt dirtier than he was.
Then the train arrived at my stop. As the doors opened, I heard the old man cluck sympathetically. "My, my," he said. "That is a difficult predicament, indeed. Sit down here and tell me about it."
I turned my head for one last look. The laborer was sprawled on the seat, his head in the old man's lap. The old man was softly stroking the filthy, matted hair.
As the train pulled away, I sat down on a bench. What I had wanted to do with muscle had been accomplished with kind words. I had just seen aikido tried in combat, and the essence of it was love. I would have to practice the art with an entirely different spirit. It would be a long time before I could speak about the resolution of conflict.

From Mindful Interventions
Reprinted by permission

Context Institute

PO Box 946

Langley, WA 98260

Mindful Interventions

A Mindful Intervention

Donald A. McCoy, L.P.C., N.C.C.

Working with agitated and violent persons can be difficult to say the least. Keeping yourself calm and focused during an encounter is important and being mindful of your environment is important in working through a difficult situation safely.

This course will give you tools to develop awareness into mindfulness and awareness of yourself, your surroundings and others around you and how to keep yourself and others safe when faced with an agitated and/or violent person.

Being aware of your mood and what is crossing your mind before entering the situation affords you the ability to control the situation and yourself much better. When you enter a situation and your mood is agitated, angry or your mind is preoccupied with thoughts other than the moment, you will have little control of the situation and yourself.  If you are able to assess yourself and can enter a situation with more focus, your ability to control the situation is greatly improved.

Mindfulness is the ability to be aware of each and every moment of our lives. It is the ability to become more aware of our environment and the subtle changes that occur around and within us.