Yu An

Yu An, the Chinese symbol for "far away." distant, future, another place, another time...
when someone enters into counseling the place they want to be or the person they want to become can seem very far away. its like being in a deep and dimly lit cave, walking toward a small pinpoint of light. or like driving on a desolate lonely highway and cresting a small hill seeing a small hint of green in the diatance, the destination.
what we often find in counseling is that we may never get rid of the problems in our lives, we get better at understanding how or problems arise and develop tools to better help ourselves when the problems arise again.
in reality, we carry inside all we need to address the problems in our lives effectively. but why enter into counseling if we have the answers? it is because we bury the answers deep inside and forget. the best way to effectively relearn our skills is to begin to talk about the issues we are dealing with...

Looking past traditional counseling

I have begun my private practice, effectively stepping out on the proverbial ledge and taking the first step off. Now after spending money on office space, advertising (being a former graphic artist did save me a boat-load of cash on design and printing, read: home printer), I am beginning to trickle in clients, one, two, three… I have studied, learned and incorporated therapies that interested and engaged me into my ‘tool box’ such as CBT, Narrrative, and Mindfulness. These have proven effective in my work.

Many years ago, well, actually a couple of decades, I was introduced to a magnificent gentleman, a child psychiatrist working at a psychiatric hospital in Maine. He is fascinating to speak with, a presence of great gentleness and penetrating insight. I remember going to his home for a small party of friends and the conversation moved through many topics such as work, friends lives’ and onto Tarot. One person asked if the host can do a reading for her. “of course,” he said.

Now, I once had a Tarot reading done as a gift for my birthday one year previous from a friend. It intrigued me, and afterward I mussed around with the content of the reading for weeks. Some of the reading would not be revealed to me for years later. So, here was I at this great man’s home and he was about to do a Tarot reading. I looked at him as he said yes to the reading and he asked me if I wanted to have a reading next. Was it the look of eagerness in my eyes? Maybe.

What I learned from this man was amazing, and the friendship and mentorship was even more amazing. A little history on him without revealing his name or anything truly personal: He reads Tarot as I have said. This man also was an ordained Wiccan, attends a Catholic church every Sunday, and conducts past-life regressions (some of which was done this very evening, and no, I wasn’t brave this particular night.)

I introduce this man because he began a change in my thinking about psychology and how Tarot can play a significant role in counseling others. As I had in previous posts stated; I had kept Tarot and counseling separate from each other. But I had always found it interesting that when I had conducted a Tarot reading it seemed to morph into a counseling session. When a person is receptive to the method of using Tarot and they are open to understanding the issues they are repressing, the cards always represent these issues rather well. The person receiving the reading is receptive to conversation and counseling on what the cards represent, what is troubling her or him at the time.

So, incorporating Tarot into a counseling session may seem out of the ordinary, to say the least, but ordinary does not seem to be a proper word when talking of counseling. Again, and I will repeat this several times (a day…), Tarot is not mystical, magical device to call upon spirits for divining the future. Tarot is a method of engaging with our subconscious to delve into the issues we often hide in pain from our conscious minds. There is a connection between the reader and the person receiving the reading that become deep and at times moving, much like a counseling session.

Tarot and inter-being

Inter-being,
I came upon that word in a book. It reminds me of Jung and his collective unconscious. thinking of this word reminds me that we are all connected in ways we seldom are aware.
I wrote in my last post about incorporating Tarot into counseling. If anyone has ever had a tarot reading done by someone that knew what they were doing, would know that there is a deep interconnectedness that happens during a reading. Often, a person (the reader) who you don't know is able to delve into your life and the issues that you face and offer help, insight and new possibilities. Inter-being.

As I had offered in the last post I want to speak about tarot in a counseling session and knowing when to use it and when not.
I begin with an age limit on tarot. I do not do readings for anyone below the age of 21 years. (many adolescents get upset about this!) The reason for this is that their life is in development as is their brains. Their lives are in constant change with growing physically, mentally and spiritually. I believe that they need to learn and understand the world without the possible intensity of a tarot reading.

I also believe that tarot should not be read to persons experiencing psychosis or any other major psychiatric symptom, they are too fragile to accept the possible outcome of the reading or fully understand the cards. Imagine a person experiencing psychosis getting the death card or the devil card, neither card is a 'bad' card. So who can have a tarot reading in a counseling session? The man or woman experiencing an addiction and cannot find themselves inside the addiction, willing to delve into a spiritual place to find answers and be able to talk about what is presented in the reading in a safe environment with an understanding professional.

A couple having difficulties with finding a common voice between them. Having them experience separate readings and finding a common theme in both readings is helpful in creating a place for them to begin to find that common voice they had lost. In many ways tarot is useful in bringing out what may lay hidden through several counseling sessions. all it takes is a willingness and an open mind.

Tarot & Psychology

I have been reading the book Tarot and Psychology by Arthur Rosengarten. Ph.D. It is an interesting book about the use of Tarot in counseling sessions. Up until now I had not incorporated Tarot into counseling. I have been reading Tarot cards for many years now and have always found many of the readings became counseling sessions with the querants (or clients).
Many people think Tarot readings are the work of the devil, or are calling on mystical spirits to inhabit the room or the air about the reading. I think this is sad in its ignorance of how Tarot really works. We all carry the answers to our problems inside of us, most often hidden from our conscious mind. Tarot simply is a vehicle to tap into your (and the reader's) subconscious in a gentle and visual way. There is no 'hocus-pocus' about it.
In some of the readings I have done that had been powerful in their ability to bring the most important problems and choices to the querant, I have had what might be called insights into the reading that the querant may not be cognizant of at the time. Sometimes the insights are good to discuss during the reading, and sometimes the insights are best kept from the querrant in the reading. An example may be a reading that illustrates a relationship difficulty that shows a possible breakup of the couple. Giving this information to the querant may cause the future of the couple to change, putting into his/her mind an inevitability to the reading, which may not be true.
Tarot does not predict the future.
What the readings do is to give possibilities, to define the issues most important to the person receiving the reading (querant). In the last part of the sentence, I give an example: I had done readings for a single mom of two adolescent boys. She wanted a weekly reading. her intention (more in that soon), was to find what next man would enter her life. Every time her reading showed issues between her sons and her. On the one final reading, I stated (again) that she need work on her relationship with her sons before she could engage in a successful adult relationship. I say final reading because she chose to not have readings after a difficult conversation about her relationship with her boys.
as illustrated, most Tarot readings show what is most important in your life, usually not what you want to hear in a reading, much like counseling? I think so.

Next post: How Tarot is effective in a counseling session, and issues in using Tarot with some clients.

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

Connecting

I have been working with a Clinical Trials company assesing subjects (people) over the phone for depression to qualify them for a Major Depression Med. Most sound depressed, some more than others. Some answer the Hamilton Depression scale with a bright affect (happiness in their voice), but answer the questions with a score that define they have depression, I atribute that to a possible good day when I called them.
One woman I called was on the verge of tears throughout the call. She was going through significant traumas in her life and as she described so well, was having trouble feeling like life was worth living. When I do the depression section of the scale I ask the person if they had thought of suicide, and if so, when was the last time. Most say they have not considered it, others state the last time was several years ago. This woman stated she thought of dying last week.
I asked her to elaborate on this and describe the intensity of the feeling and how far did the thoughts go, i,e., was it a passive thought such as "I don't care if I live or die," or did she think of ways to end her life? This woman at the moment choked up with tears said she thought of taking some pills and 'falling asleep.' Throughout her conversation she mentioned Alcoholics Anonymous and how the groups had given her a sense of family and belonging, but she had stopped going years ago.
I asked her why she had stopped. She stated that she tends to ramble on when she talks and feels embarassed by this. Slowly she pulled away from the groups, from her friends and from everyone in general. Entering into this study was a courageous thing for her. She was crying out for help and reached out in a unique way, causing her to be on the phone with me.
I suggested that when she finds herself talking too much and feeling uncomfortable, to apologize for talking too much to the person(s) and let them talk. I said that if she continues to do this, she will begin to learn where that comfort place is in her converaation and begin to learn how to converse in more of a two-way style.
She said she liked this idea and thanked me for the suggestion. I also stated that I heard her talk about AA several times, that maybe she needs to reenter AA and find a group she is comfortable in and begin to open up in meetings and hopefully find friends and possibly a sponsor.
Her verbal affect seemed to brighten a little when she said she enjoyed talking with me and bid me to have a good day. She did qualify for the study and hopefully she finds a meeting she can find her voice in again

John, a sad story...

Many years ago while living in Maine I was standing outside watching people arrive for an AA meeting. A young guy I had seen a couple of times walked up to me and sat down on on a stone wall beside me. I also sat. His head was hanging low off his shoulders. It seemed as if all the weight of the world was crushing him. He looked up at me, his blue eyes shot with red from lack of sleep and worry.
He looked like this from the first day I had seen him. We never spoke until this moment and he never shared in any of the meetings. His name was John. "I need someone to talk with and I like how you speak in the meetings, can we talk?"
He disclosed to me that he was having repeated intense nightmares, waking him in clod sweats and crying out into the night. John said he lived alone in a small cabin in the woods. He said he liked the solitude. John began to talk with me about his nightmares. He said in his dream he is standing outside his car yelling at a woman. he then gets into his car and backs out of the driveway in rage. He then says the woman comes running toward his car screaming at the top of her lungs and waving furiously at him. At this point John said he awakens with terror in his heart, crying out, his pillow wet with tears.
John said these dreams come to him every night.
The meeting was beginning and we walked in and took our seats. John kept his head down and did not say a word. Afterward he quietly thanked me and left the meeting just as it was ending. I found it interesting that no one ever said a word to him. John just seemed to blend into the background. It wasn't until a week later at the next meeting. John appeared from around the corner and walked up to me. Head down and lightly sobbing John told me he wanted the dreams to stop. John said the dreams had become more intense, he awoke one morning with the realization that he had been married, but had no memory to whom or where he lived, only the house seemed familiar.
Again, John stayed until just before the meeting ended. All I knew was his first name at this time. It was a couple of weeks before I saw John again. He appeared to be a shadow. John had lost weight and looked very disheveled. He sat next to me and didn't say a word for a few minutes. I asked John how he was doing. "I don't know what to say, it, it is so horrible, so very horrible.
John sat next to me on that same stone wall and told me a story that would stay with me for the rest on my life. "I remembered everything this morning." John said with a stutter in his voice. Tears welled in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks without protest. "I had the dream again last night but it went further. As I backed out of the driveway in my dream and my wife was running after me screaming and crying. I stopped the car to put it into drive when she began hitting my window screaming 'you killed her, you killed her!' It was then I woke up." John began sobbing uncontrollably. I put my arm around his shoulder and didn't say a word. There was no words, I was empty and full at the same time. empty of words and full of sadness and concern for John.
He continued after the sobs subsided. "I had a daughter. I had a daughter and she was playing in the driveway." John didn't need to finish the story. My heart sank, tears were falling down my face now. John sat there of a few minutes a shudder fell over him. he then got up, I did too. John looked at me and thanked me for listening and talking with him. I asked John where he was going. "Home, I feel really tired and worn out. I think I'll sleep for a while." I was worried for him. I knew this was big, but I didn't know what to do. I gave him my number and told him to call me. John said he didn't have a phone at his place, but would call from the local store later. I still didn't know his last name. In AA we used initials for our last name for anonymity. John drove away as I watched wiping the tears from my eyes.
I never saw or heard from John again. No one at the meeting knew much about him or how to contact him.
Today I still remember John and the tragedy of his life. He had a drinking problem and in one moment of drunken rage at his wife, John changed everything in his life forever.
I wasn't in the field of psychiatry at the time, but after this it was inevitable that I would find my profession.

Still today I pray for John, and myself.